I all the time do my finest to finish the week on a constructive be aware (that’s a complete lie, at no level have I ever made a concerted effort to strike a constructive be aware at any level within the week), so I hope you’ll be a part of me in celebrating the secure return of lacking gravel biker Ralph Sawyer, who I had no thought was even lacking till I noticed this text:
Apparently he’d been lacking since July eleventh, which is a very long time, even for a gravel journey:
Oregon’s Clackamas County Sheriff’s Workplace introduced as we speak (July 17) that gravel biker Ralph Sawyer, who has been the topic of an intensive search within the Mount Hood Nationwide Forest since July 11, is secure and at residence.
“It was reported to the Sheriff’s Workplace that he discovered his automobile on East Nonetheless Creek Street and drove it again to his residence in Gresham,” the CCSO stated in a information launch. “Mr. Sawyer confirmed as much as a neighbor’s home drained, chilly, soiled, and worn out. Gresham Police confirmed it was him and he was transported to a neighborhood hospital to be checked out.”
In the event you’re an newbie biking sleuth then little doubt you instantly thought you had it found out: clearly he should have headed out for a gravel journey on a motorbike not particularly designed for gravel, proper? Nevertheless, a fast scan of the sheriff’s workplace updates disproves that idea:
In actual fact they affirm that his bike was “particularly designed for gravel roads:”
The search and rescue mission to find lacking mountain biker Ralph Sawyer within the Mount Hood Nationwide Forest is continuous as we speak, Monday, July 14, 2025. Mr. Sawyer was reported lacking late Friday evening after not coming back from a deliberate mountain biking journey utilizing a motorbike particularly designed for gravel roads.
Although they do name it a “deliberate mountain biking journey,” which does suggest he may have been “underbiking.” Given this, it will even be useful to know the next:
- Did the bike have suspension?
- Did the bike have a dropper put up?
- What stress was he operating?
- Did the bike have a kind of built-in downtube compartments, and in that case was he in a position to crawl into it and search shelter at evening?
- Was he adequately hydrated due to cutting-edge French lactation expertise?
Regardless of the case, it’s abundantly clear he was not driving a correct gravel automobile:
His blue Kia Soul together with his cellular phone inside was situated by search groups in a car parking zone after midnight on July 12, however no different clues had been found within the six days Sawyer was lacking. The search concerned a number of companies, volunteers, pararescuers from the Portland Air Nationwide Guard and a Hood River Sheriff’s Workplace search aircraft. The search space spanned some 250 miles.
I’m sorry, what?!?
Certain, they could present it on gravel, however on no account must you ever try and drive to a gravel journey in a automobile like this. Anybody who reads the Desert Hipster Web site is aware of the one acceptable automobile for graveling is a classic Toyota product akin to a Land Cruiser, a Lexus constructed on the Prado platform, or maybe a Tacoma. These succesful autos are in a position to deal with the kind of terrain that will be simply as simply traversed in a Subaru Crosstrek, with the added benefit of burning way more gasoline.
Much more placing is that this:
His blue Kia Soul together with his cellular phone inside was situated by search groups in a car parking zone after midnight on July 12
This man is married? To a girl? And he didn’t have his cellphone on him whereas he was using?!?
I don’t imply to be heteronormative while speaking about Oregonians, however that’s not how a well-trained male bicycle owner behaves.
In any case, the search apparently spanned 250 miles, so we are able to at the very least make sure he wasn’t using the brand new $14,000 Pinarello DOGMA GR since you possibly can’t even go 200 miles on it:
It’s additionally potential he tried to Jesus-carry his bike, however as a result of he didn’t have the brand new Grizl he as a substitute received trapped beneath it:
Or he might have merely gotten a flat and it took him seven days to get the goddamn tubeless tire seated.
However the greatest query of all is what occurs with the GoFundMe cash:
A GoFundMe web page has raised practically $16,000 for Sawyer’s search. It’s unclear what is going to grow to be of those funds. The web page creator posted July 17: “***THE BEST OUTCOME*** After 6 days and nights, Ralph made it again to his automobile, drove himself residence, and arrived at a neighbor’s home drained, chilly, soiled, and worn out. He’s at a neighborhood hospital being checked out. The desire to stay is robust on this one. The help this group confirmed Marci and her household throughout this time is really superb. From search and rescue, emotional help, prayers, and financially by means of this GoFundMe. Thanks all a lot! Time to exhale with reduction and have a good time LIFE.”
Effectively, the brand new Pinarello DOGMA GR that may’t go 200 miles is simply $14,000. So if he buys a kind of it ought to hold him out of bother sooner or later. Both that, or he ought to simply purchase a used Subaru Crosstrek.
Simply don’t go away your cellphone in it.