It’s a superb factor that Australia is all the best way on the opposite aspect of the planet as a result of my worst nightmare is in some way getting combined up within the World Bare Bike Journey:
The World Bare Bike Journey combines the 2 issues I imagine folks shouldn’t flaunt publicly: their exuberance, and their genitals. Positive, there’s a time and a spot for each, however I shouldn’t must take care of both of them on my strategy to work. Nonetheless, some folks really feel fairly in a different way, they usually relish being surrounded by a bunch fellow riders whose ass cheeks are indistinguishable from their saddlebags:
The concept of World Bare Bike Journey members making an attempt vigorously and vainly to wipe issues off of one another’s faces and different physique elements is now going to hang-out my desires.
After all, that is Australia, so whereas the members received’t be carrying garments, they are going to be carrying helmets:
It appears to me when you actually needed to make some extent about liberating cyclists from the tyranny of fossil fuels and the motorized vehicle industrial complicated you’d have a World Helmetless Bike Journey. It doesn’t even make sense from a security perspective, as a result of when you’re going to fall off your bike, which might you fairly be carrying: a helmet, or pants? “Positive, I’ve bought a saddle sore the dimensions of a cantaloupe on my scranus and street rash alongside your entire size of my penis, however thank goodness I used to be carrying a helmet!” However I suppose folks in Australia are so deeply conditioned that they’ll journey round bare and in helmets with out experiencing any cognitive dissonance.
And talking of saddle sores, why drag the poor harmless bicycle into this disgusting mess, anyway? Wouldn’t the perfect car for using bare be an e-scooter?
I’m not an enormous fan of them myself, however objectively talking there’s actually no higher contraption for bare using, because you get most visibility and minimal crotchal chafing, to not point out wonderful airflow round and thru your undercarriage.
However after all the World Bare Bike Journey isn’t about sensible issues, it’s about “desexualizing the human physique:”
Hey, how’s that understanding for you, Australia?
And don’t neglect crucial consideration in any respect–the local weather!
The conspiracy must be apparent to anybody who’s learn the most recent Trek Sustainability Report:
Do you know they’re portray their bikes with natural supplies now?
Their emblem is even created from “biomass waste:”
Right here’s what biomass waste means:
World Bare Bike Journey? Physique paint? Paint created from biomass waste?!?
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION NOW???
That’s proper, inside 5 years the biking trade goes to cast off clothes altogether. As an alternative, you’ll journey bare, they usually’ll promote you a can of manure and sewage sludge to color your self with earlier than the massive journey. Perhaps it’ll even include a complete banana peel you should utilize as a chamois.
However let’s not lose sight of the truth that the largest supply of Trek’s emissions isn’t the paint, or the clothes, and even the helmets. It’s the bicycles themselves:
Appears fairly clear to me that Trek ought to cease making bikes.