Our tradition loves giving out frivolous awards: Oscars, Grammys, Nobels…
[“We’re all sooo impressed, Einstein.”]
…however no accolade is as pointless as Individuals For Bikes’s “Finest Metropolis” rankings, and apparently this yr America’s “Finest Giant Metropolis for Biking” is…
Brooklyn?!?
Setting apart how a lot bother America is in if Brooklyn represents one of the best bicycling we’ve to supply, there’s additionally the much more troubling indisputable fact that BROOKLYN IS NOT A CITY. Sure, it’s true, it was as soon as its personal metropolis, again in 1898, and it’s even true that whenever you had been a child you in all probability had a crotchety uncle who nonetheless considered it that manner, and who known as Manhattan “New York.” However now it’s 2025, it’s not a metropolis, even when it does have a basketball crew, and subsequently that is all a load of crap:
PeopleForBikes’ 2025 Metropolis Scores rank the bikeability of almost 3,000 cities throughout the U.S. and all over the world. For the primary time, this yr’s scores divide New York Metropolis into its 5 boroughs, recognizing the local-level work being completed to enhance bicycling. Three boroughs landed within the prime 10 greatest giant U.S. cities for biking for 2025: Manhattan took the #10 spot with a rating of 51 (out of a potential 100), Queens got here in at #4 with a rating of 63, and Brooklyn took this yr’s #1 spot with a rating of 73, narrowly surpassing final yr’s top-scoring giant metropolis, Minneapolis.
What he hell form of gerrymandering is that this? You don’t get to carve a metropolis up into 5 separate cities simply since you really feel prefer it. Additionally, two of the “cities” (Staten Island and the Bronx) aren’t even talked about right here, presumably as a result of they’re not adequate. But the identical goddamn Division of Transportation is liable for all of those locations! Shouldn’t this mirror badly on them, and town as a complete, together with these hoity-toity Brooklynites? Let’s say my home is a cease on the native backyard tour. I’ve acquired 5 flower beds. One is good, two are form of okay, and two are simply patches of dust and dried dogshit. Do I deserve a ribbon for being one of the best gardener on the town? In fact I don’t! That award ought to rightfully go to my neighbor who diligently cultivates his total backyard, the smug bastard.
But as an alternative we’re appearing like watering solely one in every of your flower beds is an efficient factor:
So how did Brooklyn turn out to be one of the best giant U.S. metropolis for biking? A formidable community of secure and related locations to experience. New York Metropolis as a complete is house to 1,550 miles of motorcycle lanes, bike paths, and neighborhood greenways, making it North America’s largest bicycle community. Brooklyn particularly has extra miles of motorcycle lanes than another borough.
Right here’s that lazy gardener, by the best way, phoning it in on the 5 Boro Bike Tour:
To be truthful, Brooklyn does have a number of issues going for it that the opposite boroughs don’t. For instance, there’s that 25mph pace restrict:
Along with a formidable community of devoted bike infrastructure, Brooklyn’s borough-wide residential pace restrict of simply 25 mph additionally makes its streets low-stress and secure for bicyclists based on PeopleForBikes’ Bicycle Community Evaluation, the data-driven program behind Metropolis Scores.
Wait a minute. THAT’S THE SPEED LIMIT EVERYWHERE IN THE CITY, together with right here within the Bronx. But we’re not even a wildcard:
Hey, we’ve acquired bike lanes too! It’s simply that they’re principally used for laundry automobiles:
That will not impress Individuals for Bikes, however I guess it will get the Worldwide Detailing Affiliation’s consideration:
I don’t know if they’ve “Finest Detailing Metropolis” rankings, however we’re a shoo-in to win the picture contest:
All I’m saying is {that a} metropolis is sort of a bike lock, and it’s solely as sturdy as its weakest hyperlink. It’s not like a crew time trial within the Tour de France, the place you get to drop a number of guys as a result of they base your ending time on the fifth rider to cross the road.
Perhaps the Harlem River Greenway venture will assist push us up within the rankings subsequent yr:
That’s gonna make a helluva automobile wash.